So at the start of the year I had one friend and a million possibilities and hope that my life would be fuller at the end of the year.

Now I have no friends, feel highly insecure, paranoid and upset, my brother might have schizophrenia, my Dad had to have a heart operation, throughout the year my Mother had a broken leg, Dad also had a shoulder reconstruction. My other brother managed to finish his HSC, I've finished 4 university subjects and yet I feel strangely hollow with that accomplishment.


I talk to my psychiatrist about these things and for once that's not making me feel any better. I feel like an unwanted piece of sludge that should get cleaned away with the coming rain. I have achieved nothing of worth, the friends I wished for? They were given to someone else who is better than me. The love that I wanted? That also was received by someone better than me.

All I've done is prove to myself that I am a worse person than I ever realised I was before.

And no one gives a shit.

Dear God, why did I even try?