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So at the start of the year I had one friend and a million possibilities and hope that my life would be fuller at the end of the year.
Now I have no friends, feel highly insecure, paranoid and upset, my brother might have schizophrenia, my Dad had to have a heart operation, throughout the year my Mother had a broken leg, Dad also had a shoulder reconstruction. My other brother managed to finish his HSC, I've finished 4 university subjects and yet I feel strangely hollow with that accomplishment.
I talk to my psychiatrist about these things and for once that's not making me feel any better. I feel like an unwanted piece of sludge that should get cleaned away with the coming rain. I have achieved nothing of worth, the friends I wished for? They were given to someone else who is better than me. The love that I wanted? That also was received by someone better than me.
All I've done is prove to myself that I am a worse person than I ever realised I was before.
And no one gives a shit.
Dear God, why did I even try?
Now I have no friends, feel highly insecure, paranoid and upset, my brother might have schizophrenia, my Dad had to have a heart operation, throughout the year my Mother had a broken leg, Dad also had a shoulder reconstruction. My other brother managed to finish his HSC, I've finished 4 university subjects and yet I feel strangely hollow with that accomplishment.
I talk to my psychiatrist about these things and for once that's not making me feel any better. I feel like an unwanted piece of sludge that should get cleaned away with the coming rain. I have achieved nothing of worth, the friends I wished for? They were given to someone else who is better than me. The love that I wanted? That also was received by someone better than me.
All I've done is prove to myself that I am a worse person than I ever realised I was before.
And no one gives a shit.
Dear God, why did I even try?
First Semester over!
Jeeeebuuuuus
I got through my first semester. I don't even know how that happened.
It... kind of got unbearable at the end, I still wish I kind of wasn't at uni ever again, I don't know... I feel like I'm back at school watching as my friends disappeared from me, and became better friends with other people, because I suppose I'm just not good enough for them.
Ah well, I guess I'll make friends with them again at the Dark Ages Society next semester.
And then I'll make new friends in my Anthropology course.
Also, being single is now just painful. Anyone know some hot singles? I could use one right now. Really.
It's like an insatiable lone
WOOOOOOAAAAAAH
It's been a long time since I last updated.
Well, here's the news: I'm going to uni.
Not sure how that's going to turn out.
Hopefully I'll be doing the right subject (Ancient History - Egypt and the near east)
Really nervous about that, and stuff.
I'm so fucking sick of this shit
I've had it with being the fucking compassionate one, the well of understanding and fucking tolerance.
People keep throwing shit at me and expect me to fucking forgive them and fucking take it.
I'm done with it. I'm just done with all this shit.
It's someone else's fucking problem this time.
You want to tell me I look like shit Mom? GO FUCK YOURSELF
You want to talk about me when I can hear you just fine? SHOVE A STICK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS.
Oh, did you fucking misunderstand me? WELL THAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM.
I've dealt with all your shit, I've fucking forgiven all sorts of CRAP from everyone.
Why can't someone else be compassionate
Fuck
I might have just lost all of my stories and poems that I've been working on over the past two years.
I won't find out the damage until monday.
Fuck my life, I can't do any writing because my laptop (the only thing I have with word on it) has fucked up.
Why does everything have to go wrong just when I've got everything back together?
© 2011 - 2024 naughtbutanillusion
Comments4
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That sounds pretty terrible. To answer your question: trying is all we have.
This year hasn't been the greatest for many, including myself. My cousin died suddenly and several members of the family had surgeries. I spent nearly a year applying for jobs after getting my degree with little luck. My comic is getting a slow start, with many obstacles still in its way. I don't have much support yet, but all I can do is keep trying my best.
But anyway, sorry for the late response. I've been busy with my new minor and temporary retail position.
Though I suppose you couldn't call me a friend, I'm here for what that's worth.
This year hasn't been the greatest for many, including myself. My cousin died suddenly and several members of the family had surgeries. I spent nearly a year applying for jobs after getting my degree with little luck. My comic is getting a slow start, with many obstacles still in its way. I don't have much support yet, but all I can do is keep trying my best.
But anyway, sorry for the late response. I've been busy with my new minor and temporary retail position.
Though I suppose you couldn't call me a friend, I'm here for what that's worth.